Today is Alice's funeral. I gravitate between wanting to: go and give my heart and condolences, celebrate Alice's life and her contributions to ours, and mourn with friends and family
AND
wanting to run away, not feel the pain, go shopping, over eat and sleep the rest of the day.
I HATE being sad. I HATE mourning. I HATE IT. The problem in life is - when you sign up to be an active participant, sadness and mourning come along for the ride.
I keep having questions about Alice and the kids.
Where are the girls?
How are the girls?
Why didn't I follow my gut last year and adopt both of them?
If I had, wouldn't their life and transition to a new house - with Alice still in the picture - have been better?
What is God's plan for these girls?
Is there a family, who had been praying for a child, just waiting for this moment to take in these girls?
Are they in a loving home?
Are they in a horrible home?
Why do I care so much when I didn't make the effort to adopt them myself?
Will I ever quit second guessing?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
First of all, I am so sorry that I didn't get a chance to call you back yesterday. By the time our repair guy left, you would've been on the road to W's art exhibit.
Secondly, you HAVE TO quit second-guessing yourself. God has a plan for those two little girls. His plan supercedes any thoughts, actions, and guilt that you may have. God wants you to pray for them while He takes care of the rest. You just have to have faith that He will.
Call me tonight or tomorrow if you can. I'm sorry today has been so rough. Love you.
Post a Comment