My Multiple Personality Blue Jeans

I love blue jeans. I'd wear them everyday if I could. There is a favorite pair I've had for several years that I just keep going back to. The problem is, my jeans can't decide who they want to be.


Some days, my lovely jeans are way too large. They get big headed like that. They expand. I put them on and they look good. They hang loose and cool. They think they're hot and want to show off. I love them and they, in turn, love me back.


Then the next time I visit them they have shrunk. They want to be small and petite. They think less is more. But, when I put them on, they look tight and feel awful. I try and explain that big is beautiful and they should stretch out and love life. But, they insist on feeling small. It really is a self-confidence thing. As a therapist I've tried to talk to them. "Stretch out! Be proud!" But, to no use.


When they are lonely - feeling small - when tears are in, their eyes... Oh, sorry - my ADD kicked in.


When they shrink like a pansy, it hurts. It hurts to see them so sad. I try and ignore it. I try and justify it. It goes something like this:


"Hello beautiful blue jeans! How are you today? Let's try you on and see! Oh My! You feel a little small today. Did I wash and dry you on hot again? I'm so sorry! Hmmm. No, as I remember, you were washed on cold and hung to dry. So, that couldn't possibly be it!

Ok, maybe it's just a sticky zipper. I'll have a talk with him! How dare he! And, did that top button move over a bit? That's just like her!

Oh, wait! It's the pockets, they are wadded up. Let's straighten them out a bit. There that's bett...no...still feeling small aren't we?

Ok! There it is! The back waistband is twisted a bit. Now, how is that?

Darn it jeans! I can't do anymore for you today! It's back to the closet for you! Now, meditate on love and visualize a beautiful field of daisies. Think of eating a whole pie and how much bigger and better you will feel!

Please don't take offense, but these sweat pants next to you will have to head out with me today. No! Don't cry! These sweat pants aren't half as pretty as you! I'll be back to try you again tomorrow. As for today, the sweat pants get to head out.

It's just - my sweat pants don't have a personality disorder. They are always the same consistent friend. A rock.

I love you sweat pants. You never let me down.